36, with Red Toes and Cinnamon Rolls.

My birthday is on Friday, and for the past couple of weeks I’ve been in a really reflective mood. I’ve been focusing a lot on the idea of being enough.

Like many people, it’s hard out here right now. Financial strain and pressure, changing dynamics at work, and trying to still create joy and live in the moment without living in fear, especially as so many things feel out of control in the world around us.

As my birthday approaches, we first have to touch Christmas. I used to dread the holidays. As an adult, I’ve been able to unpack why that was and I’ve grown and healed from a lot of it. Now, I’m trying to create new meaning around the holidays, especially now that I’m a mom.

I want my son to have a beautiful childhood filled with memories that show his parents were intentional about creating pockets of joy. I want him to focus on wonder for as long as possible. I want him to feel safe, warm, and loved in this season of life.

But that’s not actually what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about having the audacity to paint your nails a different color.

I recently got a pedicure, and since it’s Christmas time, I decided to do something festive. It might be basic to some people, but I chose a bright red. Normally, I go for a milky white on my toes because it lasts longer as they grow out. It feels practical. Put together. Safe.

Another reason I avoid red is because I’ve always felt like it just doesn’t look good on me.

But something shifted. I realized that wasn’t even true. And here I am, walking around in flip flops a few days before Christmas (hello, Texas) with bright red toes. I actually love this shade of OPI, and I’m really proud of myself for stepping outside my comfort zone and savoring the season.

Am I going to wear red polish all the time? No.

Am I going to wear it three days before Christmas? Absolutely.

And I’m going to enjoy it.

In that same vein, I always say I’m not a baker. Yet lately I’ve had this desire to bake and create sweet treats. I haven’t gone fully from scratch yet, but I found a cinnamon roll cake recipe on TikTok that I want to try.

I’m baking my own birthday cake.

I’ve never done that in my life. But for my 36th birthday, I don’t want a regular cake. I want a cinnamon roll cake, because cinnamon rolls are my favorite dessert. I don’t want to settle for a flavor I don’t even really want, when what I actually crave is something ooey gooey with cream cheese icing.

So instead of buying another store bought cake that doesn’t excite me, I’m leaning into what I actually desire.

This season, I’m allowing myself to be free as I step into this next chapter, with a few things grounded in my heart.

I am enough.

I am enough even when resources feel scarce. My worth is not attached to what I have. My worthiness exists because God says I am enough.

I still have something to give. I have creativity. I have joy. I have laughter. I have a home. And if opening my doors is the most generous thing I can do right now, that is enough.

I know this is easier said than done. I’m not trying to paint a picture of toxic positivity. What I am encouraging, gently and honestly, is focusing on what we do have instead of what we don’t.

Because that is exactly where the enemy, however you define it, wants our attention. On lack. On fear. On comparison. And that’s just not the name of the game.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to share this, except to remind you that if painting your toes red is the most joyful thing you do this week, do it. And don’t forget that you are enough.

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. And happy birthday to my fellow Capricorns.

P.S. For anyone wondering, the nail polish color is OPI Emmy, have you seen Oscar? and yes, it’s absolutely star quality.